Why Fatherhood is how Empires are Built (Special Guest: Neil White)

being a father in 2017

…Our Lord, give us joy in our wives and children and make us a good example for those who are Godfearing

Quran 25:74

Why aren’t there any popular Muslim Dad Blogs?

Maybe there are, but I sure as hell haven’t seen them.

Technically this is a good thing because it means the dads are out earning a living to provide for their families.

It’s also a bad thing because this means the online Islamic discourse is dominated by women and, sadly, Feminists at that.

You may have also noticed if you read them, the Dad Blogs which do exist read like they were written by huge fags.

Or male feminists, but I repeat myself.

Which brings me to my guest, Neil white, who is the founder of This Dad Does, a blog for “dads who do more.”

I enjoy reading him because his writing is masculine and he has traditional ideas about fatherhood.

So, I thought it would be a good idea to have him on because:

  • I haven’t written or podcasted about fatherhood before
  • This Dad Does fits with our theme here at Becoming the Alpha Muslim.

Topics discussed

  • Who is Neil White?
  • The virtue of having daughters in Islam
  • Why did Neil start This Dad Does?
  • What sort of topics does Neil write about?
  • Blogging side-discussion
  • Why does every dad blog sound like it’s been written by a faggot and/or mangina and/or woman?
  • Dad Blogs as a blank canvas for Advertising and PR agencies
  • Why are mainstream media and popular culture trying so hard to emasculate and feminize fathers?
  • What is the role of the father in the Current Year?
  • How is the father-son relationship different to the father-daughter relationship? Or should we treat them identically?
  • Neil is working on a book

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why dads should lift weights

Show Notes

The virtue of having daughters in Islam

My having daughters is an out for me to get into Paradise, by God’s leave.

Do girls carry the honor of the family in Muslim culture?

That depends on whether or not you live in a tribal society.

Nabeel says in all cultures daughters are treated more protectively, Muslim or non-Muslim.

Neil says it’s a good observation but this attitude has been changing in non-Muslim societies.

Nabeel says it’s changing in Muslim societies too as Muslims adapt to modernity.

Why did Neil start This Dad Does?

Neil initially thought of starting the website to create a side income via affiliate marketing.

AS the website developed and he started writing, his intent changed to filling a gap in resources available for dads.

Neil says there isn’t much good information online for fathers who have a traditional approach to fatherhood.

There are other dad blogs around, but this isn’t their focus.

Neil felt like he had a lot to share on this subject and he also knew other dads who felt like him.

He knew if he shared this message he would come into contact with other fathers who thought as he did and valued the same things.

This Dad Does is now 1.5 years old.

Neil doesn’t like calling his blog a dad blog because of the connotations and perception involved (more on this below.)

What sort of topics does Neil write about?

Aside from parenting, Neil enjoys writing about self-improvement through physical training.

Earlier on in his life, Neil lived a very unhealthy lifestyle.

Since a few years ago, he’s taken a focused approach in the way he looks after his body.

He’s trying to pivot away from fitness writing because a lot of his blog traffic is fitness-oriented and this is not his goal for the website.

Neil wants This Dad Does to be known for his edgier commentary on fatherhood.

He’s big on creating a love of the outdoors in his children and doing those sorts of activities with them.

He also writes about the father and son relationship citing Mike Cernovich as an inspiration.

Blogging side-discussion

This Dad Does has excellent engagement.

Nabeel notes that Neil’s audience is highly engaged based on blog comments.

Does this reflect in his website analytics?

Neil notes web traffic has been growing steadily over the past year.

He also points out he’s more interested in a highly engaged audience than a high-traffic website with no engagement.

Neil tries to go the extra mile in answering comments on his website.

Instead of just one-line “thanks for commenting,” he tries to add value to his readers by taking the time to write thoughtful responses.

Why does every dad blog sound like it’s been written by a faggot and/or man-gina and/or woman?

This is something Neil noticed early on when he started the website.

His ideas and style seemed against the grain and to begin with, he was writing the typical “consumer s***” he saw on other websites.

He quickly realized this wasn’t what he wanted to write and it also wasn’t what people wanted to read.

There are around 50,000 parenting blogs in the U.K. alone, with around 3,000 dad blogs.

Everything on those websites is essentially the same.

Why are these blogs filled with product endorsements, sponsored posts, advertising etc.

Yes, Neil does review and endorse products but this is the exception and not the norm.

Other Dad Blogs make it their modus operandi because they don’t have anything substantive to say.

Neil also believes a many of them are a front for Feminism and anti-male, anti-masculine ideas.

They have a liberal or male-Feminist worldview, and their writing reflects that.

For example, writing about raising their children without gender.

Neil also notes many readers of these Dad Blogs are not men, but women, judging by the web traffic he received early on when he was still finding his voice.

So, these websites are not written for dads, they’re written for women.

That’s why dads don’t want to read them.

This post was him drawing his line in the sand. to tell his readers This Dad Does is not a blog for reviewing baby strollers and diaper changing tables.

It’s about something bigger. Something more.

Dad Blogs as a blank canvas for Advertising and PR agencies

There are websites out there where you can register your blog to be contacted by advertisers.

This is disingenuous because it creates a very poor experience for dads who may genuinely be reading for solutions to their problems.

Nabeel notes that Neil is actually trying to help people rather than trying to make a quick buck.

Why are mainstream media and popular culture trying so hard to emasculate and feminize fathers?

Neil recently wrote a post on an image he saw on Instagram of naked men posing like pregnant women.

It might seem innocuous and light-hearted but it represents something more sinister: the end of the male identity.

What do we mean when we say masculinity?

Neil likes to talk about male identity and male energy, and the two combining to form what we understand as masculinity.

There seems to be a campaign to erase the male identity and extinguish the male energy by denigrating the image of the male.

The message being broadcast is, it would be much better for society if men just acted a bit more like women, or became women, or just disappeared from existence altogether.

This experiment has been going on for a long time, and men have been distracted by things like pornography, junk food, and entertainment.

These three things are given to men in almost endless supply for next-to-nothing.

Is this by accident or is it by design?

Neil mentions my podcast with Demond Handy aka Uncle Hotep and how his insights on the African American community opened Neil’s eyes to the global nature of this problem.

Nabeel notes how everything that turns men into cucks is free or extremely cheap and available in endless supply.

Everything that makes men stronger, faster, smarter, etc. is expensive and difficult to access.

The man’s role is to be the provider and protector and he needs certain traits to do that.

If you remove those traits from the man he becomes unable to fulfill his role and now the State becomes the provider and protector instead.

Weak men make it much easier to control society as a whole.

The idea that a masculine man cannot be a good parent

Nabeel also notes from the image of men posing while imitating pregnant women, is that parenthood is only relevant from the perspective of the female.

We don’t need to consider the perspective of the male.

As fathers, we aren’t allowed to have our own perspective or experience.

Our experiences are only from the perspective of an observer.

We only exist to support the mother.

These men went as far as tucking their dicks in between their legs and posed like women.

They erased their male identity to demonstrate they will be loving parents.

The implication here is that a masculine man cannot be a good parent.

Neil mentions that he was in the delivery room when both his children were born, fully conscious and aware as his wife went through labor complications.

The idea he has nothing to say or nothing to offer simply because he’s a man is nonsense.

What is the role of the father in the Current Year?

Neil says statistically fathers are spending around twice as much time with their kids as they did in the 70s.

Statistics show that children benefit from present fathers, and fatherless households are responsible for a lot of social problems.

The important thing is, while spending more time with you children, to not blur the role of the child with his father with the role of the child with his mother.

Masculine energy

Because of his male energy the father has a different way of expressing his parenthood, so the roles will necessarily be different.

There are things you can teach your children as a father that their mother can’t teach them.

A simple example: using rough play to mold children.

Neil has written about the father-son and father-daughter relationships, both of which were very well-received.

He said the father-daughter relationship post got an amazing response from mothers.

One single mother noted her biggest regret was not being able to give her daughter that experience and relationship with her father.

As a result, her daughter is risk-averse and lacks confidence when expressing herself.

Father-daughter affection

There is an invisible script here, where a father having an intimate relationship with his daughter is somehow creepy.

“Dads are rapists in waiting.”

This boils down to Feminist ideas that men are inherently dangerous and a threat to society.

The mentality could be a reason why some dads hold back from showing affection to their daughters.

Teach women not to commit infanticide

Neil points out society’s ignorance of the fact that infanticide is more likely to be committed by mothers, and that sons are the more likely victims of this crime.

Nabeel mentions the Feminist re-education programs which try to “teach men not to rape.”

Maybe we should start programs which “teach women not to murder their babies.”

Facts aren’t sexist, ladies.

How is the father-son relationship different to the father-daughter relationship? Or should we treat them identically?

Neil does raise them differently.

He wants his son to grow up to be a good protector and provider.

To grow up strong and athletic, to value physical activity and manual labor.

Martial arts are important because they teach you discipline, balance, and understanding your mental and physical limits.

Neil wants his daughter to grow up to be a strong-willed woman, not a pushover or someone people can take advantage of.

As her protector, he wants to raise her in a way she can look after for herself because he won’t be around forever.

He wants to teach her to make good choices in men and good life choices in general.

She should also value physical activity and healthy living like her brother.

Neil’s pet peeve is parents saying, “my kids are not sporty.”

He feels like boys benefit from a “rough,” “tough-love” approach.

Nabeel says as long as your kids don’t become Feminists when they grow up, you’ve succeeded.

Neil is working on a book

He wanted to create something special for his regular readers as a thank you.

(He has an email list of around 150 – almost all male.)

He started to compile his most popular blog posts into a book.

As he does this, he’s updated the old material and written brand new content for it.

The book will lay out the 6 most important aspects of being a father, according to Neil.

It’s taking him long to write because he prioritizes his family life and only writes in his spare time.

(It would be hypocritical of him to have a blog called This Dad Does if he didn’t actually live what he wrote.)

He hasn’t decided on a name yet, but it will be gifted to his email subscribers for free for one time only.

Later on, he will self-publish on Amazon and Amazon Kindle.

Nabeel mentions Neil has a free ebook called “Dad-bod Fat Loss” which Becoming the Alpha Muslim readers may be interested in.

Where can you find Neil White?

Enjoyed this episode?

Please leave me a rating and review on iTunes.

And leave a comment below with any insights or epiphanies you had while listening or reading.

I want to know what you think.

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6 comments… add one
  • Nabeel Azeez Mar 8, 2017 @ 10:24

    Hey guys, if you’ve got any questions about fatherhood or parenting in general, leave a comment and I’ll ask Neil to drop by and put in his tuppence. Thanks.

  • Ahsan Irfan Mar 8, 2017 @ 20:14

    I guess, Ill be the first. What are your thoughts on spanking for discipline? Today we see a general discouragement of the practice, but when I think back to my younger days, our parents had no bones about taking a big stick and giving us a good beating (we’re three brothers) if we did something out of line. I’m careful to point out here that this wasn’t abuse. It wasn’t like my dad was a drunkard (he wasn’t, LOL) and all he did was hit his kids. We had fun times with him, too. He played cricket with us and read to us and all the good stuff. But if I was to pin point to one thing that kept me on the straight and narrow of general social conformity it was the fact that my dad gave me a good beating if I wasn’t being socially conformative, not the fact that he was “good to us.” What I’m really concerned about are what kind of limits should be placed on spanking? What age should it start at? Is there gender differentiation (I have a boy and a girl), What age should it stop at? What kind of infractions should it be used for? Also, how do you navigate the legal quagmire set up by the feminists in government that discourage spanking? I live in Canada, and recently the federal government put in place a bill (which passed) that completely forbids any spanking whatsoever.

    • Nabeel Azeez Mar 9, 2017 @ 9:08

      I got beaten by both my parents as a child. I try my very best not to strike my girls when they misbehave. Certainly, don’t do it if you can get into legal trouble.

      I think what I would want most for my girls is for their obedience to be contingent on obedience to Allah. This is easier said than done. May Allah guide our children and raise them to be righteous, Godfearing Muslims.

      • Ahsan Irfan Mar 9, 2017 @ 23:11

        Did you get my email? I sent you one a few days ago.

    • Neil M White Mar 10, 2017 @ 0:00

      Hey Ahsan

      Thanks for listening. I really appreciate it! Your comment and question is really important: How do you incorporate physical discipline into your relationship with your kids?

      First up I’d say that I’d never recommend contravening the laws of your land. If your country has interfered with how you discipline your kids that sucks. It’s is an infringement of your liberty and basic right as a father to bring your kids up. But I’d never encourage you to break the law.

      I was physically disciplined as a child as was my sister and most of my extended family. This was in accordance with the teachings of the Holy Bible which my parents followed and I now follow. I was never abused by my parents and, like you, the boundary of physical discipline (smacking and an occasional slap round the head when I was older) gave me security and shaped me into the man and father I am today.

      If you choose to use physical discipline I’d recommend using it as one of your tools of discipline, not *the* tool. This is my approach and it goes together with restriction of privileges, removal of treats and the ‘naughty step’.

      I started my kids on discipline when they became willfully disobedient for both it was around 18 months to 2 years. It is always age appropriate but is equal for boy and girl. Infractions in my house include:

      – Willful and persistent disobedience
      – Intentional violence towards family member
      – Disrespecting me or their mother

      Hopefully smacking should finish on it’s own but my mum was still giving me the odd ‘cuff-aboot-the-lugs’ (Scots for a slap on the head) when I was 14 years old.

      In my home of Scotland, smacking isn’t illegal but it probably will be soon and is certainly taboo. Therefore I would be very careful not to carry out discipline in public, nor threaten it. It’s better to be smart about what is aired in public. I also wouldn’t intentionally wound them. I smack as a kind of physical ‘wake up call’ and a sign that their bad behaviour has escalated to unacceptable levels. My kids understand that I love them and that discipline is a foundational part of our relationship.

      Hopefully that helps some. Come back to me with any follow up you might have.

      • Ahsan Irfan Mar 10, 2017 @ 20:33

        Thanks for your reply, Neil!

        I like how you said that it’s better to smart about what is aired in public. The way things are nowadays, you’d think that family-building was something alien to human culture in general. No wonder that the general populations are creating a backlash against the general liberal/leftist hegemonic narrative.

        It’s interesting that you mention that by teenage the physical discipline became lesser in intensity. And I certainly can attest to that. By the time I hit 15, my parents rarely ever touched me, and I guess they recognized that: (1) it was demeaning, (2) it was likely not going to work, anyway (3) it would have been a bad idea.

        I like how you’ve kept your “system” graded and simple. Other folks I’ve read (especially American Christian authors) have such complicated and hard to do rules for maintaining discipline that sometimes your head spins.

        I’ve kept a very similar system to yours, so it’s nice to know that there are others who think the same way as I do.

        Once again, thanks for your input, Neil!

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