How To Waste Your 20s As A Man w/ Alexander Cortes @AJA_Cortes

Author: Nabeel Azeez 3 comments
Categories: Essays, Think Like a Muslim

I wasted my 20s. Here’s how: A Born Muslim’s “Convert Story”.

It was all necessary. Those experiences made me who I am today.

But that doesn’t mean others have to make the same mistakes, or worse.

You don’t have to learn the hard way. Most of you will because you don’t listen to people with more experience than you.

Some of you won’t. You’re the smart ones. This post is for you.

Like me, Alexander Juan Antonio Cortes wasted his 20s.

I asked him to join me in the Becoming the Alpha Muslim podcast to talk about the mistakes we both made.

We also tell you how young Muslim men (and non-Muslim men) in their late teens and early-to-mid 20s can do better.

If you don’t know who Alex is, he was one of my earliest podcast guests. We talked about the connection between physicality and spirituality.

You should listen to it after you finish listening to this one. Both are jam-packed with invaluable wisdom and practical life advice.

Do you have any questions about anything we discuss during the episode? Leave a comment below and let us know.

What to learn more from Alexander Juan Antonio Cortes?

how to waste your 20s as a man muslim alexander juan antonio cortes

Subscribe to Becoming the Alpha Muslim on iTunes and leave a rating and review.

Show Notes

  • [00:40] Who is Alexander Juan Antonio Cortes?
  • [02:00] You don’t rise to the level of the occasion, you fall to the level of your training. Alex’s email marketing experiment writing to his list 3 times a day, every day.
  • [03:40] Alex writes from a place of personal experience. He knows how to waste your 20s because he did it.
  • [05:25] My own experience wasting my 20s as a college dropout. I flunked out.
  • [06:25] The contemporary culture of extending adolescence far beyond teenage years and well into one’s 20s. I didn’t start “adulting” until I got married at 28.
  • [07:40] How Alex’s Jewishness helped him get his career started faster. How many jacked, Mexican, male, Jewish ballet dancers are there?
  • [12:14] Go to university without a plan and come out of it with a mountain of student loan debt and no job prospects.
  • [14:30] Universities in America: a federally supported racket.
  • [16:38] Keep company with losers who have no interest in education or making the best of their time in university and turn into a loser yourself
  • [19:20] If you think this doesn’t happen to Muslims, you are delusional.
  • [20:30] Believe that graduating from university, an environment that rewards you doing the bare minimum, has prepared you for the real world. Think that you are entitled to success and reward just because you show up.
  • [22:20] Ignore your health, eat crap, and don’t bother exercising because your body can handle it at that age.
  • [26:00] If you use your time in college wisely, you can make the best physique gains of your life.
  • [28:55] Spend your money and your parents’ money frivolously, on yourself and your friends, so you can gain status. Spend money on women thinking it will get you laid.
  • [31:15] Muslim guys: spending money on girls is doubly pointless for you because you can’t smash anyways. HARAM. Alex talks about premarital sex.
  • [33:00] Get into a romantic relationship with a girl and become a slave to her and lose your sense of self, molding yourself to her wants.
  • [35:30] How SHOULD you spend your time in college with respect to your interactions with women? Alex and I answer a question from one of my readers. ALL akhis in high school and college MUST listen to this.
  • [39:00] Alex tells the story of a Sikh woman he met during his travels to India, who dated in college, regretted it, and chose to rely on her parents’ wisdom to find her a husband.
  • [41:00] At no time in your life will you have 4 years, uninterrupted, to just work on yourself and becoming the best man you can be. THE BRO ZONE: Muslim men, do not, under any circumstances, allow yourself to get in the bro-zone.
  • [43:30] Can men and women be friends? Alex weighs in with his observations and his own experiences in looking for a Jewish woman to marry.
  • [47:00] Wait for things to happen. Just wait. Don’t take any concrete, deliberate steps to grow as a man, prepare yourself for becoming a husband and father, and achieve your goals.
  • [49:30] The failure of many parents to prepare their children for adulthood.
  • [52:00] Don’t listen to men older than you. Believe you know more about life and the world than men who are 10 or 20 years your senior with many, many more life experiences than you.
  • [55:00] Alex is working on a book of 40-50 axioms on making the most of your youth and living a successful life, as well as a book on masculine archetypes.
  • [57:30] How did Alex end up with 40+ axioms? I surprise him by teaching about the Islamic tradition of gathering 40 hadith in a compilation.
  • [1:00:12] Here’s how you can stay in touch with Alex: Subscribe to his daily email newsletter, and follow him on Twitter, Instagram, and Snapchat
  • [1:02:10] Subscribe to the Becoming the Alpha Muslim Podcast on iTunes, and leave us a rating and review.

3 comments… add one
  • Mohammad Nov 22, 2017 @ 5:19

    Assalamu alaikum,

    Brother Nabeel, JazakAllahu khair for another one of these invaluable podcasts! I’m 19 and a freshmen in college right now, so this advice is crucial for someone like me. I actually plan on going to med school (In Sha Allah) so there’s no way in hell I can afford to waste my twenties.

    Out of all your guests on this podcast, it’s Alex’s work that I started following the most. His emails and your first podcast with him about physicality and spirituality were one of the things that got me to start lifting and getting into better shape. I have so many great masculine role models in my life alhamdulIllah, with the primary one being my father (and the Prophet SAW being above and beyond them all, of course). Through your blog and podcast, I have gained access to so many others including you and Alex, each sharing their own unique expertise, experiences, and wisdom. Thank you.

    By the way, it was really interesting hearing you guys talk about the “Bro-Zone” thing. As per Islamic etiquette, I’ve kept myself from getting TOO chummy with the girls at my MSA, but after seeing the other guys being all friendly with them and chatting them up (A LOT), I began thinking about loosening up a bit. However, hearing you guys talk about it completely cleared up my doubts, and I am for sure going to keep avoiding the Bro Zone! So many guys are in it right now at my MSA. Haha.

    Again, JazakAllahu khair and please make du’a that I get into med school. And thanks to Alex for the profound advice.

    Reply Link
    • Nabeel Azeez Nov 22, 2017 @ 9:47

      Wa alaikum assalam warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.

      Jazakallahu khairan for leaving a comment, Mohammad. It’s feedback like yours that keeps me motivated to continue producing content for Becoming the Alpha Muslim.

      I’m so pleased the material is helping you all.

      Yes, trying to be friends with women with the intention of it developing into a romantic relationship is a HUGE mistake men make (not just Muslim men). In all likelihood, it will end very badly for the guy. Even worse, it has the potential to end in disaster – a false rape accusation.

      All because you, as the man, were not clear with your intentions.

      This is something Alan Roger Currie talks about in his book, Mode One, where he classifies male communication into 4 quadrants.

      The quadrant you want to be in, is Mode One. This is where you are 100% up front and explicit about your intentions towards the woman. Not only does this give the woman the opportunity to clearly tell you “no” if she is not interested in you, your demonstration of assertiveness is very attractive to her.

      Reply Link
      • Mohammad Nov 24, 2017 @ 10:20

        (Sorry for the late reply. I somehow didn’t see your reply on my phone’s email notifications)

        In Sha Allah, when the time comes, I’ll remember to stay on ‘Mode One.’

        For right now, my focus is on myself: college, getting in the best shape, studying Islam, honing my masculinity, and just becoming the best version of myself that I can be. Yours and Alex’s material is definitely helping on that journey.

        You guys also had very interesting take on college. I would agree that the only majors worth going to university for are STEM-related or maybe SOME business-related ones if you want to make money after college. People are under the false impression that just having a bachelor’s degree under your belt automatically makes you a better candidate on the job market. This couldn’t be farther from the truth. What I’ve learned is that although a degree does help if you majored in something worthwhile (a bachelor’s in 21st Century Womens’ Intersectional Gender Studies isn’t getting you anywhere lol), internships, connections, and on-the-job experience are almost always a requirement nowadays. That’s assuming you decide to work a corporate job as an employee in a cutting-edge field after undergrad. The entrepreneurial route changes everything, of course. A college degree may even cease to be necessary. For me, college is necessary because it’s a requirement for med school, but like Alex, I’m going to try and finish my undergrad in three years as long as it doesn’t get in the way of studying for the MCAT.

        You guys also brought up how college is hella expensive. AlhamdulIllah, I’m in a very fortunate situation where my parents are willing to pay for both undergrad and med school for me. I also received a hefty amount of scholarship money. That’s not to say my folks are okay with me not working. I’ll definitely need work experience in order to make myself the best candidate for med school and gain more practical life experience. However, I worry about my classmates who have very little scholarship money and will struggle to pay off their loan debt.

        Bottom line, you guys were absolutely right that college is not for everybody like it’s made out to be.

        Sorry for the long, drawn out reply. I kind of rambled a bit.

        All I can say is please continue producing this great content. Even Muslim men are not immune to Soy! And hats off to Alex for his amazing work.

        Reply Link

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